When your work isn’t recognized

This has occurred to all of us at some point. You put in a lot of effort, pour in your passion and commitment, and instead of getting support, you encounter harsh remarks, lack of excitement or criticism.

All of a sudden, you feel like everything you do lacks worth, that you fail to meet goals repeatedly, that your goodwill and drive don’t count anymore.

Disheartened by this unfairness, you feel deep resentment, you find yourself comparing to those who are at the top. Yet, you are aware of their weaknesses… Then a flood of moments come to your mind where you felt overlooked, underestimated and it disrupts your confidence completely.

What if I’m not the right fit? What if there is something off about you? What if you can’t reach your potential? What if others just never cared about you?

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Are you facing a similar challenge? Then there’s a high chance that when you read the beginning of this piece, you felt a tightening in your stomach and that it sent you to your «HateBox» (I just made that up, do you get it?).

• You will lose your energy. All this time you spend thinking about this situation is wearing on you. Literally.
• You lose your creativitytoo caught in a negative spiral.
• Your relationships with others are fadingyou are no longer so cheerful, especially with those who don’t recognize your work. In fact, you delve deeper into your situation and withdraw more.
• You drag your feetyour job seems less attractive to you and you would like to be elsewhere. Even if you liked your job, suddenly everything changes and everything becomes dark.
• The destructive feeling. If you let a situation get too bad and give too much space to your thoughts, the final stage is when you feel the need to screw everything up.

How to get out of this situation before it completely destroys you? The faster you act, the less complicated it will be. Here’s some advice from a guy who’s had this experience more than once.

When things aren’t going well, say so!

Have you ever walked out of an interview with your head down and thought about it all day, mumbling «I should have said this or that«?

No, I won’t write for Google!

When a situation like this arises, when you are criticized or when you perceive a negative feeling towards yourself, the ideal is to talk about it. And now!

You will be able to defuse most situations by talking. If you are criticized for something that seems unjustified, take the time to calmly explain your view of things. Don’t let your feelings prevail, nor those of your interlocutor.

Take the time to analyze the answers, were you informed of the expectations, do you feel you met them? If so, respond directly, clearly stating what you believe is unjustified and proposing solutions to better demonstrate the fruits of your labor. If your manager’s expectations were unclear, don’t hesitate to ask that they be communicated to you.

If you are unable to answer specifically at this time, ask for a future meeting or the opportunity to respond in writing. Writing allows you to better analyze and present your ideas. If you are truly at fault, then be wise, put your pride aside and apologize. Anyone can make a mistake.

Be less dependent on the approval of others

I confess: I have a need for recognition that is certainly higher than average. It’s my dopamine. I’m not looking for encouragement so much as approval. I need a climate in which I feel confident to give my best.

This need can give rise to uncontrollable situations when it is not satisfied:

• excessive investments in work,
• swinging relationships,
• loss of trust,
• random motivation,
• need for success and brilliance,…

Over time, with age, I learn to control this need better. If approval and recognition always act as fuel, I work above all to ensure that the lack does not give rise to drops in motivation or negative feelings.

In fact, the need for recognition is not a big problem when the lack does not give rise to a destructive feeling. How to satisfy this need?

Journaling is therapeutic. If you can write down your misunderstandings, your doubts and your shortcomings, you will also be able to write down your successes and encouragement. Writing is relaxing for me. Write when your thoughts are confused, when you lack perspective on your situation, etc.

This way you can build on old successes again to start over. In fact, there is nothing dramatic about suffering injustice. It happens to all of us. Instead of turning your failures into demotivating periods, turn them into levers to get back on track.

Ask yourself the right questions!

As you go through the turmoil of injustice, ask yourself these few important questions. Try to do it calmly and as sincerely as possible.

Am I making the situation worse?

It happens often. As long as you are a little tired, in a moment of uncertainty or doubt, the slightest word or reproach will take on disproportionate proportions.

The prism of our emotions gives us a distorted image of real events. What was nonsense in your interlocutor’s head will fuel unjustified resentment in your mind and this will end up casting a shadow on your relationship.

Accept that those around you may also be dealing with personal worries or fatigue, and you’ll see how, ultimately, most of your worries aren’t really worries.

Am I making up situations?

A look, a misinterpreted word or a momentary disinterest, and that is fashion paranoia engaged. Painful, isn’t it?

This struggle with our thoughts is exhausting. In most cases, dialogue or a simple smile can stop this thought system.

Are my efforts well targeted?

It may happen that you work a lot, that you give a lot of energy but not in the right place.

Are your efforts well targeted? Otherwise, despite all your passionate investment in the work, chances are it will not generate the expected result.

Don’t just focus on what you’re passionate about, be present even in the less interesting tasks and those where you are expected.

Always be sure that you have been given the right goals, the right direction, so that you do not waste your energy on second-rate tasks.

We can’t please everyoneIt’s a fact. You can’t please everyone. And that doesn’t matter. It does not diminish your qualities or value, nor does it determine your identity. It’s like this.

The hardest thing is when we can’t get recognition from someone we like or whose opinion really matters to us.

How painful it is to have the impression of being relegated to the background by someone you admire.

However, I encourage you not to try everything to please. Don’t waste too much energy on this. Don’t lose your identity in a meaningless search. Does your manager seem to put distance between you, doesn’t he recognize your true value? It’s difficult, that’s for sure, but don’t engage in a vain seductive pursuit.

Do your job the best you can, in a way that makes you proud. You don’t need to be best friends with your manager, it’s not that bad.

To conclude

In 80% of cases dialogue will solve problems. Misunderstandings and embarrassments dot our daily lives, and we need to know how to let go of our pride to build healthy relationships at work.

If this type of situation repeats itself over and over again with different people, take the time to honestly question yourself. Perhaps the root of all these problems is a lack of confidence or an unresolved issue in your past.

In this case, talk to a trusted friend or a professional to start a profitable recovery.

And you, how do you deal with hasty or unjustified judgments at work?